Never Leave Me
by embracing-shadows
Summary: You know that moment of terror when you think your world has stopped spinning and perhaps you’ve been thrown sideways by the sudden jolt of it, when you hear your friend is in the hospital? Nick knew that moment.


Disclaimer: I own nothing but the plot!

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You know that moment of terror when you think your world has stopped spinning and perhaps you've been thrown sideways by the sudden jolt of it, when you hear your friend is in the hospital? That feeling so horrible that nothing else compares, when your heart almost breaks your ribs down trying to beat from your chest, your throat constricts but it's ok because your lungs have no air anyway. Your stomach seems to try and claw its way out through your mouth, and sound and sight and taste have no meaning anymore. There are no thoughts. There is only that one unmentionable fact that you can't see past. Your friend is in the hospital. And you find yourself not functioning, not believing it for a few moments while you search the face of the one who told you, praying for some sign that it's a joke. Nick knew the feeling as Grissom's voice spoke through the phone's earpiece, explaining that Greg was in the hospital, his car crashed on the interstate. He knows the fear that maybe everything will not be all right as he drives like a maniac towards the hospital, the lights on top of his Denali flashing vivid warning reds. His knows the feeling where your vision is hazy because he's charging through the hospital with his vest still on and all he can see is the emergency room doors, nothing else. Not even the people getting in his way.

Nick burst in to the observation room and saw Catherine, Warrick and Grissom already there, clutching to each other hopelessly as they stared through the glass at the newest CSI level 1. Nick almost doesn't bring himself to look through the glass and when he does he hopes he's dreaming because this nightmare is so much worse than when he was locked in his glass coffin. There's so much blood, so many flashing silver surgery utensils, and underneath it all the broken face of Greg Sanders. His hair is messy. He would hate that. Nick presses his hands to the glass and prays because he's never prayed before and maybe there is a god that can help him. But the blood doesn't stop and suddenly there's this constant high-pitched screech invading the air. After a moment Nick realizes it the heart monitor. It's flat lining. They've lost him.

You know that moment when you realize everything you love in this world is gone? Nick knew that moment. There was only white in front of his eyes and he couldn't even hear his own enraged screams. It's like watching a movie where the sound cuts off but he is the movie and he's blind, he can't see who is watching. He can't hear his own screams, or feel his own heart, or see the room tilt as he crashes to the floor. He's oblivious to the hands of his friends that try and catch him, and he doesn't know he's crying more than the day he was born. There is only death. No thoughts of death, just death. It looms above him and breathes its dread in to him, smug that it has taken his Greg away. Nick is unaware that Catherine is screaming for him because he's no longer in his own body. He's trying to follow Greg, Greg's soul, wherever it will go. He wants to die with him. The rage inside him is so great he doesn't feel that he is thrashing, convulsing, and he must be sedated before he does harm to himself. The needle jammed indelicately in to his arm goes ignored and blackness in enveloping his white screen. His mind is telling him maybe in the blackness he will find Greg. He opens his mind and welcomes it, and falls still and silent.

There were no sounds when the Greg-empty blackness receded, leaving him in his body again. He wishes it wouldn't because he wasn't done trying yet. He wasn't done trying to follow. He had to be with Greg, didn't the blackness understand? But when he opens his eyes there is Catherine and she's crying with a smile on her face, squeezing his hand to anchor him to her world. Nick hates her world. After a look at his surroundings he discovers that he is in his very own hospital bed. Catherine tells him what happened. He'd suffered shock when Greg flat lined, but he missed what happened next. Nick forgot about defibrillators. Greg's flat line jumped while he was on the floor, in his white fog. She had tried to tell him, she had screamed it for him, but he didn't know she existed at that point. And young Greg had made it. He was still living in her world, which Nick threw himself back in to with vigor. There is no holding down a hurting Texan as Catherine discovers, there is only a hurried rush of feet while you try and keep up with his running, which is fast.

The hospital hallways are so long Nick thinks they're lengthened just to keep him away, but he runs on. Doctors yell but visitors nod knowingly and step out of his way. They know this moment too. Nick knows the room because Warrick is holding Sara outside of it. They see him coming and are surprised by his speed. Then he's gone again, barreling inside, and the irony is not lost on him that it's the same room he woke up in so long ago. He almost doesn't see Grissom standing vigil over the blonde on the crisp white bedding. He doesn't even listen as words are said to him because there is Greg and he's breathing. The monitors are beeping; his heart is beating again at a steady healthy rate. And its all Nick can do, he throws himself down beside the bed and buries his face in Greg's shoulder, the only part not swathed in bandages. This time he feels the tears and he can hear his own jagged sobs. He hears Grissom retreating, but somewhere the back of his brain knows that they're all watching from the doorway. He doesn't even care, because the shoulder under him moves and his Greg moans in pain. He doesn't wake. But it's a sign of life and Nick is mumbling his thanks to the gods above for sending Greg back to him while clutching to the white hospital robes that cover the bandages. It's his lifeline. More than that it is the scent, the spicy heady elusive scent that finally reassures him that Greg isn't gone and isn't going.

"You can't leave me Greg," he is whispering through the tears in his wretched voice, choking on every syllable. "You can't go because I can't live without you. It's you that keeps me going and you that keeps me breathing. I can't make it on my own, I need you, I always have. I love you." Nick loves the sound of those words and he whispers them over and over again like a mantra that can sustain him. He wishes that he had told him all these things when he had those chances before. Now that he might not get another chance, it's important that they're said. It's important in a way that makes his throat expand and contract and his heart swell and stutter. The words are shaky; he knows that. But they're heartfelt and honest and it's all he's wanted to say for two years. Whether or not Greg says them back doesn't matter anymore. It's that he spoke up and it's a relief to get it off his chest. Now that they're out he can rest his hand one last time on Greg's head and weave through the silky hair. Nick's heart stops; Greg opened his eyes.

"Nicky," Greg whispers. There's never been a more beautiful pair of eyes as they try to blink away the grogginess. Nick feels fresh tears flowing with his relief.

"Greg, how do you feel?" he asks.

"Like a semi hit me head on," Greg jokes. It's not very funny because that's what actually happened. Nick smiles anyway. He grabs the hand closest to him and gently squeezes it. Greg seems to appreciate it. He doesn't say anything more because Nick is breaking down again. His tears fall faster and his grip gets tighter.

"Never leave me Greg," he pleads, begging the broken younger man with his gaze. The blonde is taken aback but he smiles his special smile, the one that Nick is living for.

"Never Nicky. Never." He pulls the older CSI down and they share a first kiss full of emotions. Nick tries to communicate to the other just how scared he felt, and just how much it hurt him to see Greg like this. When they pull away they hear sniffles and look over at the doorway. There stands the whole team, and there isn't a dry eye in the house. Sara clings to Grissom. Catherine hugs herself. Warrick crosses his arms in that macho Warrick way. Over their shoulders peers Hodges, Mia, Brass, Wendy, Archie, Ecklie. They're all here for their favorite lab-rat-turned-field-man. Nick realizes with a jolt that they saw everything, and then realizes with a bigger jolt that he couldn't care less. Greg is alive and holding his hand and those two years waiting were not wasted. He watches Ecklie and Hodges hurriedly wipe their eyes. Maybe they weren't heartless after all. Catherine begins to sway back and forth as her sobs deepen instead of lessen.

"It's the most – oh god – romantic thing I've ever heard," she says. Nick wonders if she heard everything he whispered when Greg's eyes were still closed. Then Grissom clears his throat and holds up the small video camera he had been holding.

"I meant to tape everyone's visits while Greg was asleep. But I guess that's the only visit I need." He hands the camera to Greg, who pushes the play button to see himself helpless and still. Then there's Nick running down the hall and he's falling to his knees and the real Nick feels himself breaking all over again just watching it. The camera's microphone picks up every word of his desperate confession, playing it back for the blonde who has his own tears now. When he looks up Nick is staring down. The only sound is the sniffing of everyone present while the one on the bed and the one beside him stare at each other in their own world of emotion.

"I love you too," Greg finally says. Nick didn't know life could taste this good. He dimly hears Grissom say that they can keep the recording but his eyes never leave Greg's. He knows that no matter how many times he sees it in the years to come, he'll always cry. He'll always relive those moments, the ones of fear and pain. Catherine wails as her crying begins anew, but they're only happy tears now.


End file.
